“I want to talk to my doctor, now!”

“Maureen, did you need something? Your doctor is in surgery right now, so it might be a while before he can get here. What can I help you with?”

“You can’t help! I’m having a side-effect from the damned surgery!”

“What’s happening? Can you tell me how you’re feeling? Has something changed?”

“My butt is swelling! My butt is much bigger than it was before surgery!”

“Let me look, maybe I can help.”

[RN checks patient’s butt. It’s exactly the same size it was before she left for her hip surgery.]

“Maureen, I don’t see any unusual swelling. Is your bottom feeling itchy? Maybe it’s just the dressing that feels irritating. Dr. Fitch will be looking at that and changing it in the morning. Does your bottom hurt more now than it did last time I was in?”

“I WANT HIM TO KNOW RIGHT NOW THAT THIS SURGERY IS MAKING MY BUTT LOOK BIGGER!”

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