… but I have had to initiate two emergency detentions in the last two days.

Things I have learned as a Director of Nursing in a locked psych facility –

  • Patients never schedule their psychiatric crises during daylight working hours.
  • People who have normal jobs aren’t on a first name basis with the county mental health crisis center workers.
  • The top places on your cellphone speed dial should be assigned to folks who wear badges and arrive with lights and sirens.
  • If you can get to the facility before the news media does your life will be infinitely easier.
  • The corporate owners really don’t want to know that everyone’s safe – they just want to know how fast you can get a cost estimate on any damage.
  • It’s not polite to roll your eyes at nurses who tell you their day was horrible because they had to give an enema.
  • Kids who know how to cook dinner for themselves – and keep a plate warm for you, too – are worth their weight in haldol.
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